There is this friend I used to play with when we were kids. We played games like kalongo with messy mud with her and she only spoke in Swahili.
As a matter of fact, I was a bit of a barbie compared to her because I didn’t like rough games. Then later on when she was 11 years, her mum decided to take my dear Njeri to the UK. I was devastated but she said she would visit once a year the first time she came she displayed the annoying things that Kenyans from abroad did. She was different its almost as if she walked on different soil and asked questions like “how do you guys survive in this third world country?” how dare she? After her, I chose to analyse Kenyans from abroad and put together a list of things that annoyed me from these people.
1. Am I even safe?
Do you think we live like animals? We live in a functional society where everything runs smoothly and we not only survive, we live our lives. So yes, if it is during the day and you’re not walking in an ungodly hour in a dingy place you are safe.
2. Do you guys take cards?
We also have visa cards and debit cards and we regularly use them. Get over yourself and understand that we have very rich people here please.
3. You know in the USA we don’t really walk, we catch cabs.
Great because we don’t have Ubers and Taxifys? I mean you need to keep calm and either walk, use a matatu or use an uber.
4. Politicians here are still the same as usual yet us they even walk.
If you’re in the USA, you have Trump so I don’t know what you’re saying.
5. Don’t you guys tip?
We tip when we feel that the service was exemplary and deserves our hard earned money. We just don’t go around giving money to everyone for free.
6. That’s not the right way to say burger, the r should be heard.
We are Kenyans, our accents don’t really accommodate “r” because we do not weng.
7. You know Kenya could do so much better but I can never move back here.
That’s okay, however it is a great place to settle especially when you have money.
8. I don’t speak Luo fluently.
You should never be proud of not being able to speak your mother tongue well, that is a disgrace.